Recently, Jason and I got a roommate; my dad. He was in need of change and a cheap place to live so we asked him to stay with us for awhile until he was ready to move back to Iowa. It has taken some getting used to but Jason and I are happy he’s with people who care about him instead of on his own.
In the last few days, I’ve heard my dad share memories from when I was really little. I wish I could say I remember those stories myself but I feel like I have forgotten so much as I’ve gotten older.
Last night, the story was about when we went boating with some of my cousins who were probably 8 and 10 at the time and I was four. We saw kids tubing in another boat and I told my dad I wanted to do that. He asked me if I was sure and I told him, “I’m not scared of anything”. So they put me in the tube and I rode around and around the lake. When they pulled me back in, they asked my cousins who wanted to go next and they just shook their heads no with big, scared eyes.
He also told Jason about when I was riding around on my little peewee50 dirt bike. I was going up and down the gravel road at my grandparents house while dad and his friend worked in the garage. He noticed I was going faster and faster each time I went by until I had the throttle wide open. He told his friend, “she’s gonna crash here pretty soon” and not much later he heard the sound of metal grinding against the gravel and walked out of the garage. I was crying and had skinned up my hand and told him, “I don’t want to do this again”. He said I that was fine if I didn’t want to ride anymore but I had to ride it to the garage and put it away. Lucky for me, they couldn’t get it to start again so I didn’t have to ride it back but I did have to push it into the garage.
The point of this post was to help me find the answer to the question I’ve been thinking about all weekend, what happened to that fearless girl? Did I watch too much tv about how girls should act? Did I succumb to peer pressure? I’m just not sure.
I wasn’t afraid of anything. I rode horses, liked the loud noises of the cars as they left the green light at the drag strip, was athletic, and didn’t mind being up high. Now I’m 24 years old and I feel like I’m almost crippled with fear. I know it shows mostly when I ride my dirt bike and every time I feel like I’m a disappointment. My goal as we gear up for the summer is to head in the unknown, try something new, and be fearless again.
In the picture above, I’m getting the latin saying, “in omnia paratus” on my foot. For Gilmore Girls fans or members of the Life and Death Brigade, you’ll probably get it right away. For those who are curious, it means “ready for anything”. What’s your manta?